I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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