I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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