remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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