An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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