Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
