I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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