you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
