one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
