don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
