My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
