Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
