R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
