seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
