Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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