I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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