I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
