Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
