I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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