I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize