Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
