Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she pinky promised me she was 18
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
