And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
