Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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