His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dick very happy bro
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize