I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
