If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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