At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
