i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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