bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This house was built for laser tag.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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