I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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