It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize