I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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