I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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