I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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