Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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