Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
