shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
