Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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