he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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