Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
