Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
