I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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