all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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