Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
