i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
