I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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