im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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