He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
