He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
