My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize