Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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