So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
