eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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