you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
