i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
