it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize