So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
