the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
