i just had sex bonerless
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
