Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
