When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
