she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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