i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
