Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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