i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
