Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
