So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
