Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
