I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
