I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
