He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize