His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize
