it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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