and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
