So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
