Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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