Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
