i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
