i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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