I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize