I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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