see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
