Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
