Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
