and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
