nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Randomize
