i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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