Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
