My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
