So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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