Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
