Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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