mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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