Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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