So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can you bring me the toilet please
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
