at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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