I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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