his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
