im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
smell my finger.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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