So drunk its hurt
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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