All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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